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Rocky Mountain MIRECC for Suicide Prevention - Talking to Kids (T2K) about Suicide

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How to Talk to a Preschool Child about a Suicide Attempt in Your Family

Without the support of family or other caring adults, a young child may try to make sense of this confusing situation on his own. Children this age have magical thinking, and their own ideas about what is happening can be more frightening than the situation itself. Because preschool children do not have the vocabulary to express all their thoughts and feelings, they may act out at times.

Small children, when stressed, may exhibit changes in behavior, such as temper tantrums. They may also have trouble sleeping, and may become clingy because they are feeling insecure, anxious, or fearful. Younger children are self-interested by nature, and so they may blame themselves and feel guilty because they think they have caused the problem.

Children this age will need lots of reassurance from you, and a sense that problems can be solved. It is important to instill a sense of hope that their parent/relative, while struggling, can get help and get well.

It is important to consider your child’s level of development and ability to understand events when deciding how to talk with him. Sticking to the simple facts and answering any questions he asks may be all he needs. (“Dad was feeling bad and had to go to the hospital.”)

VIDEO: How to Talk to a Preschooler about a Suicide Attempt in Your Family

When should you talk to your preschooler?

• If your child was exposed to the crisis and traumatized, he will need some basic understanding of what happened.
• If your child was elsewhere and not exposed, consider what he needs to know to make sense of the changes happening in his life.
• The goal is not to overwhelm the child with information, but to answer questions in a calm, non-judgmental way, so he is not afraid to ask more questions.

How should you talk with your child?

• Choose a place that is private and comfortable, where your child will feel free to talk. Also be aware of what she may overhear from other conversations about a family member’s suicide attempt.
• Understand that young children may only be able to deal with a little bit of information at a time, and may ask more questions over time.
• Keep it simple and use words that your child will understand. Be honest and direct, but do not provide more details than the child needs. Let her responses and questions guide you when deciding how much information to provide.
• Be aware of your own feelings and how you are coming across. For example, your child could mistake an angry tone of voice to mean that you are angry with her. A calm, gentle tone will help her feel safe to open up to you.
• Ask your child age-appropriate questions, and allow her to freely express even difficult or uncomfortable emotions without judgment.
• Small children may express their feelings or fears through make believe play. If your child can’t express her questions directly, consider spending play time together. She can practice expressing her feelings in other ways, through art, music and other forms of expression.
• Reading books or stories may make it easier for small children to express themselves, indirectly, by identifying with the characters. “How do you think the bunny rabbit felt when he got lost in the woods?”

Ways to support your very young child:

• By continuing certain dependable, daily routines even in a difficult time, you can help your child feel cared for and safe. For instance, if you pick your child up at the end of the work or school day, continue to do so if possible. Calming bedtime rituals, such as a bath or reading time will be even more important to your child now.
• While providing stability, also remain flexible to a child’s emotional needs during a disruptive time.
• Get other support people involved (family, friends or clergy). This will benefit you, and in turn benefit your child.
• Very young children receive special comfort from physical as well as verbal expressions of affection, such as hugs. Offer extra support and attention during this time (examples: games, reading together, physical closeness).
• As the parent/relative who has been hospitalized becomes more stable, consider if it would be helpful to offer your child a chance to visit him in the hospital.
• Preschool children are very sensitive to the emotional state of their caregivers. Caregivers should try to care for their own emotions, including grieving privately when possible, and concentrate on the child’s needs when together.
• Show your child that her day-to-day life will remain stable, and that her basic needs will continue to be met.

What to say to your child

A Last Note

This information is intended to inform and guide adults when talking with a two to five year old child about a suicide attempt in the family. It is not intended to replace the advice of a mental health professional. In fact, it may be best to use this along with professional support if you or your child is struggling with how to talk about this difficult topic.

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Last Updated 30 Sept 2021

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